I have been in Berlin for nearly a month now and it is hard to believe that I have come all this way. Granted for some, this is no big deal. But, coming from a strict home where I was not allowed to even join girl scouts, this is a great accomplishment. It has always been a dream of mine to come to explore a part of Europe especially visit the UK. (Which I did ^.^)
Of course this brings me to the discussion of dreams and goals. As I explained in an earlier blog about I have trouble focusing due to my ADHD, I sometimes have trouble sticking my goals/dreams. It is very difficult when there are sooo many things that interest a person. By trying to do everything, I accomplish nothing.
I know for sure I want to do a career in counseling/journalism. So far, in school, in order to stay more focus to my goal I decided to only stick with my media classes. I translated my first episode for SSEXBOXX and I am contacting the crew around Berlin to see if I can help them in anyways I can.
Luckily my loved ones have been more than supportive of me. They help me stay focus because sometimes I toy with other career options such as: Nursing, Teaching, Academic Counseling, and/or Social Work. They remind me what my original goal is.
Even if mind does stray, I know that all of these careers involves being around people. Nothing brings me greater joy then to be as helpful as I can.
Furthermore, I love being around areas that inspire me to just write or create something.
It's so hard though to concentrate at times when there are sooo many possibilities and so many roads to take.
I least I did the first step and started setting up a website.
Wickedarling.com
It is not completely set up yet. But, it's the first step to progress.
A bit about me...
- The Wicked Darling
- A daydreamer who wants to one wants to explore any possibility as much as she can. Yes, it sounds cheesy but I love cheese!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Preperation
As children in school, we were taught to study hard and one
day we’ll get that dream job. To keep doing well in school until you reach
college.
But, it seems like I wasn’t prepared enough to deal with
life after college in high school.
Which, I felt should be something crucial.
(Seriously, if it weren’t for my biology teacher explaining
the dangers of over using your credit card and debt, I wouldn’t have a clue
what having credit score meant until later in college. I thought my economics teacher could teach me
a thing or two. However, that was not the case. )
Ever since Bush came into power in the US, everything just
kept doing down and down the drain. Obama is doing his best to pick up the
pieces but it does take a long time to fix all of this. But, let’s remember my dear brethren of the “great”
United States, it’s not just Obama who’s in charge. (We do have other branches of government
calling the shots to!)
Due to jobs being scare, immigration laws in the US and Europe
having gotten much more strict.
After one graduates, there is nowhere to go except to good
old mom and dad!
Time Magazine wrote in an article, “More Young Adults Are Poor, Live With TheirParents”, wrote “In the spring of 2011, 5.9 million young adults aged 25 to 34 lived with their parents, up from 4.7 million before the recession”
Since things aren’t going well almost everywhere, there is this feeling of hopelessness and wonder.
Excuse my language but…
What…The…Fuck?
Could this country
not better prepare us for this?
I guess all I can do now is figure out how to turn my dreams
into reality and be as realistic as I can.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Hey I just wanted to say..... look over there!... What was I saying?
My family, including Pre-school, noticed I was a bit (still am) strange developing.
For one thing, I could never properly annunciate my words eloquently. I stuttered and once in a while I would be missing adverbs in my speech. Also, because of my Mexican heritage, I frequently spoke Spanglish.
But my biggest weakness I had was my ADHD. Or as my friends and I would like to call it, "AD....OOOOH SHINY!"
On the website ADDitude shares "According to the National Institute of Health, ADD affects between 3 to 5 percent of the population in the United States."
I always had trouble paying attention in class because I got lost in my own world.
It was not until I realized that school could be treated as a game that my grades actually started to improve when I entered Middle School. Being foolish, speaking my mind, and doing what I could to entertain myself helped me learn more. I figured out that I learned best by audio and by movement.
Of course, my peers found me weird and extremely annoying!
I didn't care! I had fun. Most of all, books were my favorite companions.
But, as the years progressed, so did my disorder.
Reading a book went from a day, to two, to weeks, and there were points I couldn't even finish a comic book.
The day I couldn't read a book properly or hear the reading voice in my head made me burst into tears.
Worse of all, I could barely handle my classes at UC Berkeley. I could barely get a B in some classes. I felt like and utter failure.
So, I looked for treatment. After a week of annoying test, I finally was diagnosed with ADHD.
Now, the thing that annoyed me was the information that I was given after the testing. I was told that I could not properly read above an 8th grade level. And, it was insult to injury that my doctor was shocked that I actually tested at a much higher level than the majority of population in reasoning skills. Finally, she highly recommended I take medication amongst other treatment.
Now, for those who actually take pills for their ADD, that is good for them. There is nothing wrong with it. But, I was angered that was the FIRST thing she suggested and I was not given options for other methods until much later.
My body does not handle drugs very well. When I actually tried adderall, I was grounded alright. But, quickly my heart rate went up and I ended up having an anxiety attack. Tears went down my face as told my current house mates/ family about how I really just wanted to be normal sometimes. That it's cause of my hyper activity that makes people not take me so seriously and think me as a child.
Course my dear friend Wolfie explained it's a great quality to not to fit in to what adults think is actually proper. And, reminded me that it is a great thing to think outside the box and that to just be who I am. There are ways to treat it. Besides, I definitely do not read at an 8th grade level or else how would I get into CAL.*
So, from there I did what I could. I meditated as much I could, set goals to accomplish every day, do my best to prove that I am not just any dumb kid. If I couldn't read a book, then I could just get the audio and listen. Not to mention, I ended up reading many more comics after this. I definitely was trying to step it up as much as I could.
However, when I came to Berlin, I broke down again because of the extra pressure to get a career and get money from my parents. So many of insecurities came fluttering back and I didn't know how to handle it. I was getting scared to what was going to happen to me since I felt like I didn't go above and beyond in school like my peers in Berkeley.
That's when one my closest friends, Graham Matthias*, gave me a bit of input. He explained how managed to go through the university by just focusing on what his strengths instead of trying to be good at everything. Which of course, was a major flaw of mine. Then calmed me down by telling me how "Your worries are like shadows and dust."
Granted, I am always going to struggle with this but I am not going to let it defeat me. I already know now that I am good at listening to people and my biggest strength is my love for helping others as best as I can without judgement. When I actually get down to write a poem or story, I have potential.
Now it's just time for me to focus on the roads ahead.
*CAL= University of California, Berkeley.
*Graham Matthias actually is a very talented musician for some his music samples click here. Furthermore, he does sound and music for Alan T Donohoe's film project, I Have A Bad Feeling About This (really cool if you are a Star Wars fan)
For one thing, I could never properly annunciate my words eloquently. I stuttered and once in a while I would be missing adverbs in my speech. Also, because of my Mexican heritage, I frequently spoke Spanglish.
But my biggest weakness I had was my ADHD. Or as my friends and I would like to call it, "AD....OOOOH SHINY!"
On the website ADDitude shares "According to the National Institute of Health, ADD affects between 3 to 5 percent of the population in the United States."
I always had trouble paying attention in class because I got lost in my own world.
It was not until I realized that school could be treated as a game that my grades actually started to improve when I entered Middle School. Being foolish, speaking my mind, and doing what I could to entertain myself helped me learn more. I figured out that I learned best by audio and by movement.
Of course, my peers found me weird and extremely annoying!
I didn't care! I had fun. Most of all, books were my favorite companions.
But, as the years progressed, so did my disorder.
Reading a book went from a day, to two, to weeks, and there were points I couldn't even finish a comic book.
The day I couldn't read a book properly or hear the reading voice in my head made me burst into tears.
Worse of all, I could barely handle my classes at UC Berkeley. I could barely get a B in some classes. I felt like and utter failure.
So, I looked for treatment. After a week of annoying test, I finally was diagnosed with ADHD.
Now, the thing that annoyed me was the information that I was given after the testing. I was told that I could not properly read above an 8th grade level. And, it was insult to injury that my doctor was shocked that I actually tested at a much higher level than the majority of population in reasoning skills. Finally, she highly recommended I take medication amongst other treatment.
Now, for those who actually take pills for their ADD, that is good for them. There is nothing wrong with it. But, I was angered that was the FIRST thing she suggested and I was not given options for other methods until much later.
My body does not handle drugs very well. When I actually tried adderall, I was grounded alright. But, quickly my heart rate went up and I ended up having an anxiety attack. Tears went down my face as told my current house mates/ family about how I really just wanted to be normal sometimes. That it's cause of my hyper activity that makes people not take me so seriously and think me as a child.
Course my dear friend Wolfie explained it's a great quality to not to fit in to what adults think is actually proper. And, reminded me that it is a great thing to think outside the box and that to just be who I am. There are ways to treat it. Besides, I definitely do not read at an 8th grade level or else how would I get into CAL.*
So, from there I did what I could. I meditated as much I could, set goals to accomplish every day, do my best to prove that I am not just any dumb kid. If I couldn't read a book, then I could just get the audio and listen. Not to mention, I ended up reading many more comics after this. I definitely was trying to step it up as much as I could.
However, when I came to Berlin, I broke down again because of the extra pressure to get a career and get money from my parents. So many of insecurities came fluttering back and I didn't know how to handle it. I was getting scared to what was going to happen to me since I felt like I didn't go above and beyond in school like my peers in Berkeley.
That's when one my closest friends, Graham Matthias*, gave me a bit of input. He explained how managed to go through the university by just focusing on what his strengths instead of trying to be good at everything. Which of course, was a major flaw of mine. Then calmed me down by telling me how "Your worries are like shadows and dust."
Granted, I am always going to struggle with this but I am not going to let it defeat me. I already know now that I am good at listening to people and my biggest strength is my love for helping others as best as I can without judgement. When I actually get down to write a poem or story, I have potential.
Now it's just time for me to focus on the roads ahead.
*CAL= University of California, Berkeley.
*Graham Matthias actually is a very talented musician for some his music samples click here. Furthermore, he does sound and music for Alan T Donohoe's film project, I Have A Bad Feeling About This (really cool if you are a Star Wars fan)
Friday, January 13, 2012
Toying with sex counseling.
It seems the more and more I think about. It seems I would focus a career in writing about well...SEX. Also, to just be a counselor for it.
It combines majority of the things I like to do: Writing, talking with people, learning about different techniques, counseling, and SEX!
Plus, it gives me an excuse to go to burlesque shows on the side.
I always heard the comments that it is easy for people to talk to me about such things. I enjoy listening to people's sexual problems and doing my best to help them out even if it is just lending an ear. A woman around 50 years young ^.^ actually went up to me to tell me she was amazed how she can actually approach me about such matters.
But like the woman who approached me, coming terms with my interest in sexuality was not easy. It was so hard to admit that I wanted career involving sex because I always wanted to work with children somehow. Also, such matters use to make me blush. In fact, I wanted to be a writer for kids book. I can still do it. I just have to do it under a different name because if some one were type Daisy J Knight on google some of my erotic poetry will come up. (I am a citizen of a country with "Christian" ideals.)
I do like writing for little kids and fantasy but I haven't been able to come up with anything whimsical or the like lately. It appears I have grown to enjoy to write more and to learn more the erotic over the years.
Making a career out of this and then write for "alternative" magazines about my discoveries. Or, to simply give advice.
Not to mention, because of my internship at the Center of Sex and Culture, (Which I still have, Thank heavens!), it will not be so difficult to try. I do have to remember though, it is going to be hard work but it will be worth it.
Right now I have to focus on finishing translating some things for SSEXBBOX.
Any advice about about all this?
It combines majority of the things I like to do: Writing, talking with people, learning about different techniques, counseling, and SEX!
Plus, it gives me an excuse to go to burlesque shows on the side.
I always heard the comments that it is easy for people to talk to me about such things. I enjoy listening to people's sexual problems and doing my best to help them out even if it is just lending an ear. A woman around 50 years young ^.^ actually went up to me to tell me she was amazed how she can actually approach me about such matters.
But like the woman who approached me, coming terms with my interest in sexuality was not easy. It was so hard to admit that I wanted career involving sex because I always wanted to work with children somehow. Also, such matters use to make me blush. In fact, I wanted to be a writer for kids book. I can still do it. I just have to do it under a different name because if some one were type Daisy J Knight on google some of my erotic poetry will come up. (I am a citizen of a country with "Christian" ideals.)
I do like writing for little kids and fantasy but I haven't been able to come up with anything whimsical or the like lately. It appears I have grown to enjoy to write more and to learn more the erotic over the years.
Making a career out of this and then write for "alternative" magazines about my discoveries. Or, to simply give advice.
Not to mention, because of my internship at the Center of Sex and Culture, (Which I still have, Thank heavens!), it will not be so difficult to try. I do have to remember though, it is going to be hard work but it will be worth it.
Right now I have to focus on finishing translating some things for SSEXBBOX.
Any advice about about all this?
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Introduction: My little Prologue
I guess like every story, an introduction can come in handy. It is also the first step in getting comfortable with new world that is about to unfold before the very eyes of the reader.
I guess I shall introduce myself in this first post. My name is Daisy J Knight. Or, my friends either call me Dizzy Night or simply Dais. Call me whatever you like really, I love having many nicknames.
I started this blog as a writing tool exercise. The thing is, I lack focus. I can concentrate to save my life sometimes. Could it be the ADHD or me? I don't know...
The point is I am almost about to turn 24 years old, about to graduate the University of California in Berkeley, and I feel like I am still a child stuck in this mature body. Plus, I'm Berlin, Germany until May. Guess what!? I DON'T KNOW ANY GERMAN!
Life is just one great adventure I suppose....
....
Just when I thought I had things figured out, the economy goes down and there is so much competition for work. It leaves me scared and wondering what will happen to me.
I know I sound like a whinny child but can one blame me for being so concerned?
Heck, I'm not even sure if I will go to graduate school or not.
That is not to say I do not have hope.
Things that do interest me are this:
- Counseling: I love listening to people and understanding them
- Social Work
- Performing
- Creative Writing
- Journalism
- Teaching
I just need to figure things out.
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