Moving out

I realized that blogspot is cool but more of my friends use Tumblr. So,
I'm moving out and using Tumblr for my journal :p

http://wickedarling.blogspot.com/  ENJOY!!!

Sorry blogspot.

Busy Bee..bzzz

I have been so distracted because of midterms and the fact I have been hanging in Liverpool for the past week exploring parts Lancashire.  I really love it around here. I know I had the option to explore Paris, Vienna, or other more famous cities. But, I wanted to be some place where I feel more at home since I have made a load of new friends around here. I do not regret it one bit.

How did I grow from this?

First off, I went to this place called the Mello Mello in Liverpool and read some poetry out loud. I was happy the people liked it especially my boyfriend. I could have done better in my opinion. But, I was so proud that I was able to get on stage to do my first spoken word and just voice my opinion. I was able to write three poems in one night. The rush was so amazing.

I just want to focus on writing and becoming a counselor somehow.

Plus, I got to be some very inspirational people who regardless of the economy are working really hard to get creative projects done.

Biggest example,  my friends are working in creating a new film in Liverpool about these nerds going on a crazy adventure to see the 3 original Star Wars film back to back. It's like Scott Pilgrim, Super Bad, with more sci-fi. If you don't like Star Wars, that's okay, it will still make you laugh.

CLICK HERE!>>>>>>> I Have Bad Feeling About This  <<<<<CLICK HERE!

Zombie Attack.

Zombies are one the more common creatures I see in the world.

Everyone else calls them working adults.

And, I have met "adults" who all they do is that, work.  They complain and it feels like their souls are being sucked out of them. It's like they aren't even alive anymore.

My worse fear in growing up is becoming a cooperate Zombie. For me it's like the American Dream is a lie to convince kids to go to school, put all this juicy knowledge in their brains. Once they are nice and ripe....BAM!....they get eaten alive by the hungry Zombies.

These people can longer think for themselves anymore. They try to feed of the brains of unsuspecting thinkers.

These Zombies are convinced that there is no room for play time anymore. All that matters is work and getting more brains for the apocalypse.

And, this of course starts early. And, we end up getting a Zombie attack right around college.

Like the adults I meet,  it seems that certain students I have met are stuck with with two choices out of sleep, good grades, and play.


Once they get out college, certain students are still so lost that they become easy targets for the Zombies to get them.

Some students, in fact, have given up and want to get bitten since they have no where is to go. They feel that playtime is only the living.

Not to mention, all the student debt we have to pay for the price these two choices.

College, for me,  is a now a breeding for these monsters.

So right now, I'm trying to figure out a plan where I can manage my time and not get attacked by one these Zombies.

I want to be able to work and have fun. Furthermore, be a different form of monster that can bring life back in these creatures.

One my favorite people Maggie Mayhem has done just that. When I read that she is in Yale for speaking about Sex Workers. It gave me hope. That I can do what I do a career in what I want and share it with the world.
 

This too requires a lot of hard work and focus. But, at least I won't be a Zombie.

Bring it on!

 When I was a child, my heroes varied from comic book characters, political and historical figure, and even female adult workers.

They all had something in common, they did what they wanted regardless of what others thought.

Now,  of course there is the cliche message: "Be who you are, who cares what people say!"


But as we grow up, I notice many adults do lean to conform more and more for various reasons. It could be they just want to be normal, laziness, just going with the flow, or the fear of being ridiculed.

I know I was often insulted and put down by my family because of the way I was. It has been affecting me the past month.

Today I just went out wearing my foxtail. For some reason, for some that is a sign of immaturity and craziness.

I just think, it's just a piece of clothing that I like to wear.

Then I reminded myself that I shouldn't try to molded into something that other people created.

I mean being an adult is taking responsibility and control over yourself.

Besides, if I would have followed the norms and listen to what family had to say, I would be pregnant and married with a machismo jerk.

Also, the best adults know when to act like kids.

I know, I know, this is soooo cliche. But, if it didn't need saying, than why do I still see people being afraid of something they don't understand and judge it without asking questions?

Focus on That Dream

I have been in Berlin for nearly a month now and it is hard to believe that I have come all this way. Granted for some, this is no big deal. But, coming from a strict home where I was not allowed to even join girl scouts, this is a great accomplishment. It has always been a dream of mine to come to explore a part of Europe especially visit the UK. (Which I did ^.^)

Of course this brings me to the discussion of dreams and goals. As I explained in an earlier blog about I have trouble focusing due to my ADHD, I sometimes have trouble sticking my goals/dreams. It is very difficult when there are sooo many things that interest a person. By trying to do everything, I accomplish nothing.

I know for sure I want to do a career in counseling/journalism. So far, in school, in order to stay more focus to my goal I decided to only stick with my media classes.  I translated my first episode for SSEXBOXX and I am contacting the crew around Berlin to see if I can  help them in anyways I can.


 Luckily my loved ones have been more than supportive of me. They help me stay focus because sometimes I toy with other career options such as: Nursing, Teaching, Academic Counseling, and/or Social Work. They remind me what my original goal is.

Even if mind does stray, I know that all of these careers involves being around people. Nothing brings me greater joy then to be as helpful as I can.

Furthermore, I love being around areas that inspire me to just write or create something.

It's so hard though to concentrate at times when there are sooo many possibilities and so many roads to take.

I least I did the first step and started setting up a website.

Wickedarling.com 

It is not completely set up yet. But, it's the first step to progress.

Preperation

As children in school, we were taught to study hard and one day we’ll get that dream job. To keep doing well in school until you reach college.

But, it seems like I wasn’t prepared enough to deal with life after college in high school.

Which, I felt should be something crucial.

(Seriously, if it weren’t for my biology teacher explaining the dangers of over using your credit card and debt, I wouldn’t have a clue what having credit score meant until later in college.  I thought my economics teacher could teach me a thing or two. However, that was not the case. )

Ever since Bush came into power in the US, everything just kept doing down and down the drain. Obama is doing his best to pick up the pieces but it does take a long time to fix all of this.  But, let’s remember my dear brethren of the “great” United States, it’s not just Obama who’s in charge.  (We do have other branches of government calling the shots to!)

Due to jobs being scare, immigration laws in the US and Europe having gotten much more strict.

After one graduates, there is nowhere to go except to good old mom and dad!

Time Magazine wrote in an article, “More Young Adults Are Poor, Live With TheirParents”, wrote “In the spring of 2011, 5.9 million young adults aged 25 to 34 lived with their parents, up from 4.7 million before the recession”

Since things aren’t going well almost everywhere,  there is this feeling of hopelessness and wonder.

Excuse my language but…

What…The…Fuck?

Could this country not better prepare us for this?

                                                

I guess all I can do now is figure out how to turn my dreams into reality and be as realistic as I can.

Hey I just wanted to say..... look over there!... What was I saying?

My family, including  Pre-school, noticed  I was a bit (still am) strange developing.
For one thing, I could never properly annunciate my words eloquently. I stuttered and once in a while I would be missing adverbs in my speech. Also, because of my Mexican heritage, I frequently spoke Spanglish.

But my biggest weakness I had was my ADHD. Or as my friends and I would like to call it, "AD....OOOOH SHINY!"

On the website ADDitude shares "According to the National Institute of Health, ADD affects between 3 to 5 percent of the population in the United States."

I always had trouble paying attention in class because I got lost in my own world.

It was not until I realized that school could be treated as a game that my grades actually started to improve when I entered Middle School.  Being foolish, speaking my mind, and doing  what I could to entertain myself helped me learn more. I figured out that I learned best by audio and by movement. 

Of course, my peers found me weird and extremely annoying!

I didn't care! I had fun. Most of all, books were my favorite companions.

But, as the years progressed, so did my disorder.

Reading a book went from a day, to two, to weeks, and there were points I couldn't even finish a comic book.

The day I couldn't read a book properly or hear the reading voice in my head made me burst into tears.
Worse of all, I could barely handle my classes at UC Berkeley. I could barely get a B in some classes. I felt like and utter failure.

So, I looked for treatment. After a week of annoying test, I finally was diagnosed with ADHD.

Now, the thing that annoyed me was the information that I was given after the testing. I was told that I could not properly read above an 8th grade level. And, it was insult to injury that my doctor was shocked that I actually tested at a much higher level than the majority of population in reasoning skills. Finally, she highly recommended I take medication amongst other treatment.

 Now, for those who actually take pills for their ADD, that is good for them. There is nothing wrong with it. But, I was angered that was the FIRST thing she suggested and I was not given options for other methods until much later.

My body does not handle drugs very well. When I actually tried adderall, I was grounded alright. But, quickly my heart rate went up and I ended up having an anxiety attack. Tears went down my face as told my current house mates/ family about how I really just wanted to be normal sometimes. That it's cause of my hyper activity that makes people not take me so seriously and think me as a child.

Course my dear friend Wolfie explained it's a great quality to not to fit in to what adults think is actually proper. And, reminded me that it is a great thing to think outside the box and that to just be who I am. There are ways to treat it. Besides, I definitely do not read at an 8th grade level or else how would I get into CAL.*

So,  from there I did what I could. I meditated as much I could,  set goals to accomplish every day, do my best to prove that I am not just any dumb kid. If I couldn't read a book, then I could just get the audio and listen. Not to mention, I ended up reading many more comics after this. I definitely was trying to step it up as much as I could.

However, when I came to Berlin, I broke down again because of the extra pressure to get a career and get money from my parents. So many of insecurities came fluttering back and I didn't know how to handle it. I was getting scared to what was going to happen to me since I felt like I didn't go above and beyond in school like my peers in Berkeley.

That's when one my closest friends, Graham Matthias*, gave me a bit of input. He explained how managed to go through the university by just focusing on what his strengths instead of trying to be good at everything.  Which of course, was a major flaw of mine. Then calmed me down by telling me how "Your worries are like shadows and dust."

Granted, I am always going to struggle with this but I am not going to let it defeat me. I already know now that I am good at listening to people and my biggest strength is my love for helping others as best as I can without judgement. When I actually get down to write a poem or story, I have potential.

Now it's just time for me to focus on the roads ahead. 


*CAL= University of California, Berkeley.

*Graham Matthias actually is a very talented musician for some his music samples click here. Furthermore, he does sound and music for Alan T Donohoe's film project, I Have A Bad Feeling About This (really cool if you are a Star Wars fan)